Sunday, April 29, 2007

12 strokes

This weekend I played golf both Saturday and Sunday morning with Matt, Harry and Bernie.

It's always an interesting group. You see, dear reader, there are a lot of different personalities at work here. First there's Matt. Matt's a grinder. He plays best when he's challenged through trash talk or being beat in a match and plays badly once he stops believing in his game. Harry is just awful at actually trying to win at golf and not just trying to hit random clubs a long way. I mean awful. He seems not to care about winning as much as proving that he can de-loft a 7 iron and whack a little white ball 180 yards. Bernie has an amazingly competitive attitude filled with trash talking, supremely talented play, and knows more about golf than the rest of us ever will. But, Bernie's not playing to his potential which means the rest of us can sort of keep up, except for Harry of course because he sucks for whatever reason.

So, I, Toast, went out Saturday in the light rain wearing shorts because i'm stupid. My thought process went as follows.

"Hey, where the hell are my Cargo pants? I can get those wet and nasty and not care. Oh shit they're not here. HMm, there my good pants are... but... dont want to have to do laundry. Oh screw it i'll wear shorts regardless of the temperature."

Fortunately for me, I have bad leg circulation so I didn't get too cold out there!

With 8/9 greens on the front I shot 42. Hmm, my Zebra putter is not doing too well i guess huh? Finished at 82 for the day, again.

And then came Sunday. It was a beautiful day today. Little cold to start but then nice the rest of the time. I started off playing decently, making the putts I was missing the day before using Ryan's putter - a TaylorMade blade with some throw-dents. I didn't do much interesting, one bogey one bird, came around in 36 (played the back nine first) - even par. Hmm.

On the back nine (actually the front nine) I opened par, then bogey. At this point I figured my ride was over and I'd shoot a decent score. But it was not so. I parred #3, then birdied #4 with a 6 foot downhill putt. Back to even!

Then I hit an 8i on #5 to 1 foot................... and suddenly Toast was 1 under par with 4 to go.

#6 is a par 5. My drive flew over the bunker on the right of the fairway and my lie left my layup shot at 185. Approaching the 3rd I was staring down 185 yards with a back pin into the wind. I took out my 3i and pured it onto the green within 15 feet.

And then I sunk it... fist pump and all................ and suddenly Toast was 2 under with 3 to go.

#7 is a par 3, I knocked it on with a nice tee shot and 2-putted -- almost made the first one to cut up Harry's chip-in.

#8 is a par 5, nice tee shot, nice layup for the second, and my PW from 125 was chunky leaving me short. Chipped on and made a 6-footer uphill left to right.

And suddenly Toast was 2 under with 1 to go.

#9 is a long par 4. My drive ended in the rough right about 155 out. I hit a beautiful shot which surprisingly came up short of the green. Chipped it to 6 feet right of the pin leaving a sidehill slider....

And I made it.

Suddenly Toast shot 70 to chase his 82 the day before. A personal best! My previous best was 71 from the back tees, this was 70 from the mens. I guess they're pretty close in accomplishment. Yay me, solid!

So, yeah... that's my story. Good luck to Harry and Matt at the Ontario Men's Better Ball tomorrow. I hope Harry figures out his game in time and Matt gets back some confidence.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Life In The Land Of Frustration


Golf is frustrating.

This weekend, your truly got to play a few rounds of golf with the usual crew (mostly). All weekend I drove the ball like a champ but putted like I was afraid of the hole. Drive the ball to 125 yards on a Par 4 and I make a 5 most of the time. Get me near a green and I couldn't chip with the TaylorMade RAC wedge -- 12degrees bounce is too much i think. I couldnt pitch, I couldnt keep anything online at all. Get me on a green and I putt the ball 6 feet past, 5 feet short, and can't make the one after. GRRRR. So good long, so bad short.

Well, it is half the game.

Down $35 on bets this weekend, an ugly start.

On a lighter note, I got this email from Harry who is currently in Arizona on a golf vacation.

Just played dinosaur mountain. 143 slope, 7100 yards. Toughest course I ever played. Every hole is amazing. Hitting on one par 3 247 yards down hill from the too of a mountain. 200 yards downhill. Just one hole after another that are amazing. Best golf course I ever played. Way tougher then thundering waters but way more playable. Shot 88, par 70. 46 on the front 42 on the back. Made 1 birdie, lots of doubles because I would guy my drive to far and loose it in the dessert. Greens played at a 12 today, very difficult greens. Lots of slope, huge, and very firm. No backspin no matter what you put on it. Great course all around.


Wow do you guys ever suck because you aren't here.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Golfed On The Weekend!

Though it's now pouring rain as this crazy east coast system is here, I did indeed get a round in with Harry and Matt this weekend. Honestly, I made a lot of mistakes with approach shots into greens. Overclubbing seemed to be the theme of the day as I overshot like 5 greens with approaches under 150 yards. Odd.

Gave the new Titleist Vokey Spin wedge a try in 56degrees... it certainly does spin. When i dropped a ball at 95 yards to test it out, my ball hit and spun back around 12 feet. Hmm. Got to compare it to the Taylor Made RAC's still.

Overall I shot a pretty up and down 77 with a couple birds and a double bogey... not bad to start the year.

Monday, April 09, 2007

The Masters Weekend... How I Love Thee

I watched my share of the Masters this weekend, as usual. I found Augusta to be a fairly impressive course this year to watch, even though I think they took away some options for the players still with the new design changes.

Can you imagine being an architect setting your hand to Augusta? Yikes. Not exactly any other golfcourse reno.

Anyways, back to the point. Some guy I know nothing about (Zach Johnson) won the Masters.

As the Glorious Matt said:

he will look very out of place at that dinner next year

I can't say much about the dude, other than he has the sort of religious belief and outwardness that gives me the `willies. Everyone entitled to their own beliefs but keep it in your pants folks.

The americans eat that shit up tho... so i guess it's good TV.

Yeah, Matt's definitely right. I hope the guy wins a tournament more or two so it isnt too bad.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

The lengths I'll go to...

I am normally a passive person. I do not look for confrontation, in fact, I mostly avoid it. This is good and bad.

However, one area where there is constant confrontation is between Matt and I. For some reason we're pretty competitive... I'm not complaining. It's fun to want to beat the living crap out of someone at whatever you do where it's not about money just pride and bragging or shit-talking rights.

For example, last weekend we played 9 holes skins with carryovers, I led after 2, was up one after 3, was up 3 after 5, 2 after 6 when my ball plugged, carried 7 and 8, and lost on 9 when the bastard got up and down from the sand. Oh how painful it was to hand him a freaking dollar coin which he promised to use as his ballmark next round to remind me of his victory. BASTARD

Fortunately, I'm actually better than him at the poker table (at least I think so). It's hard to talk Matt into playing poker at the same table as me these days, or at all for that matter. I'd play him heads up for a buck a game if I thought there'd be blood on the floor just for the competition, but alas it rarely happens. Fortunately tonight was one of those nights where he let his guard down and got talked into playing... muwaha.

So tonight i've made a few good hands, set of jacks and four of a kind and got paid on both against other players. I've run my $40 into about $120, then lost a bit, then won a bit. You know how it goes. Anyhoo, Matt is playing tight, winning a bit, and I decide I want to felt him.

Note to the poker laymen in my audience, to "felt" someone means to take all their money. So, I do a visual inspection of his chips and count him as ahead $14. While we're both out of a hand I say "Matt, what are you up? about $14?" He replies with "I dont know" obviously not pleased i'm counting him down. I say "I just need to know how much I need to steal from you so you end up a losing player for the night again". Ryan the Golf Pro beside me chips in "Haha what an asshole thing to say".

Anyways, I'm hoping beyond hope that this puts him on tilt so I can "felt" him. Unfortunately I can't mark my golfball with his $20 bills else you know I would. Unfortunately, I think my "Mike The Mouth" impression worked too well as he bluffed off 90% of his stack to another player with second pair shortly after. He pushed soon after that with junk and "got felted" by another player.

He said "you happy now?" as he got up from the table. Hmm, no actually.

I wanted that money to mark my ball.

Tilt it off to ME! Matty didn't say goodbye tonight, I think he's pissed.

And those are the length's I'll go to.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

5 to 1 the Club Flies Out Of His Hands...

Not more than 30 minutes ago I said these words on the 10th tee at the golf course as Harry tried to ignore the torrent of rain trying to drown us out of playing. I was leaning towards heading home as I hve no interest in playing 2 hours in the rain when I have lots of work to do at home but Harry was dead-set on playing golf.

So i'm backing away from the tee and it's pouring rain and Harry's up there with his R7 in hand. I say to Matt "5 to 1 the club flies out of his hands..." and wouldnt you know it Harry takes a mighty rip at the ball and his club goes flying 15 feet in the air. HAHAHAHA i'm lucky Matt didn't make that bet. Harry's R7 landed on the cart path, of course. I didn't stick around long enough to see if he injured it though. Off they went into the pouring rain. I hope it clears up, boys... I've got work to do.

Speaking of Matt, happy April Fools birthday to him as he is crossing over the hill this year. The big FOUR-OH. Congrats again dude!